Just a snapshot of life here at the house of Susanx2:
I walk in from work. Cousin Susan is in the living room in her brand new dress from Bloomingdale’s in the dark watching a Lifetime Movie about J.K. Rowling.
I sit down on the couch and am crying in less than 5 minutes. Damn it, Cousin Susan! I can’t deal with her publishing her first book and getting off food stamps. She just loves to write! She went from poverty to one of England’s wealthiest people in three years. She created an entire world from her imagination while drinking coffee in Scotland. She succeeded against all odds. Tears, tears, and more tears.
Next: I need to order dinner, meanwhile, Cousin Susan is trying to rent a movie On Demand:
Cousin Susan: All I want to watch now is Harry Potter.
Me: I CANNOT focus on movies right now, I’m dying of starvation. Can I order a milkshake for dinner?
Cousin Susan: Oh, order me a soda
Me: What kind? Wait, I think I have arthritis in my left wrist.
CS: You don’t. I want a Diet Coke.
Me: It’s merely a matter of time before I get arthritis. Everyone in my family has arthritis. Wait, maybe I just slept on it weird.
CS: There is a marathon of Harry Potter movies on ABC Family right now, maybe we’ll just watch that.
Me: There MUST be something else on tv. Isn’t The Holiday on??
CS: I want to watch the Oprah: Behind the Scenes when JK Rowling was on.
Me: That isn’t on Netflix. I need you to calm down with the Harry Potter obsession.
CS: Is there anything about Wicked on Netflix. I want to see “For Good” from Glee on it.
Me: *cannot handle, but dying of laughter* I’m blogging this entire conversation.
CS: QUIT BLOGGING ABOUT ME, I like to remain a mystery.
We decide on New in Town starring my favorite person on earth Harry Connick, Jr. and also Renee Zellweger. I’m certain it’s a mistake, but, we can’t agree on anything else, since I’ve already seen The King’s Speech and all the Harry Potter movies.
Update: we made it about 12 seconds through the movie before turning it off. Outrageous Midwestern accents and a thoroughly horrific Renee Zellweger haircut. For the love of GOD Netflix. Could you please get your lawyers on getting the rights to movies on demand that people actually want to watch?? Infuriating.
Update #2: We next queued up The Fighter. We are nothing but women of mystery here in the 11106.